What Defense Mechanisms Have You Experienced?

Rooted in unpredictable environments where truth felt unsafe.

Child Learns: “If I pretend it’s not happening, I can survive it”. 

Develops when expressing feelings was punished or unsafe.

Child Learns: “Can’t own my feelings, so I’ll see them in others”.

Rooted in environments where mistakes were punished harshly.

Child Learns: “If I can justify it, I won’t be shamed or rejected”.

Often from homes where emotions were dismissed or unsafe.

Child Learns: “Feelings are dangerous; thinking keeps me safe”.

Rooted in repeated trauma or overwhelming stress.

Child Learns:  “If I block it out, it can’t hurt me”.

Develops when emotions had no safe outlet.

Child Learns: “If I control what I feel, I can stay safe and adapt”. 

Common in trauma or abuse environments.

Child Learns:  “If I leave my body/mind, I won’t feel the pain”.

Rooted in chaotic homes where boundaries were violated.

Child Learns: “I must separate parts of myself to function”. 

Develops when expressing anger toward caregivers was unsafe.

Child Learns: “I can’t be mad at them, so I’ll internalize”. 

Rooted where comfort only came with childlike dependency.

Child Learns: “If I act younger, someone might care for me”. 

Develops when authentic feelings were shamed or punished.

Child Learns: “If I hide how I feel, I’ll be accepted”. 

Rooted in shame-based or highly critical environments.

Child Learns: “If I act superior, no one will see I feel worthless”. 

Often from trauma or conflict-heavy environments.

Child Learns: “Avoidance keeps me safe from pain”. 

Rooted in homes where open expression of anger was unsafe.

Child Learns: “I can resist safely if I do it indirectly”. 

Develops when emotions were ignored or invalidated.

Child Learns: “If it’s small, I won’t be judged or abandoned”.

Common after inconsistent or unpredictable caregiving.

Child Learns: “People are either safe or dangerous”. 

Rooted in chaotic or unsafe environments.

Child Learns: “If I control everything, nothing can hurt me”. 

Develops when vulnerability was mocked or discouraged.

Child Learns: “If I make them laugh, they won’t see my pain”.

Rooted in conditional love or fear of abandonment.

Child Learns:  “If I keep everyone happy, I’ll be safe”.

Often from achievement-based worth systems in childhood.

Child Learns: “If I stay busy or succeed, I won’t feel unworthy”. 

Rooted in environments where you’re unsafe or invalidated.

Child Learns: “If I become like them, I won’t be rejected/hurt.”