What Common Fears Have You Experienced?

Originates from inconsistent affection, emotional neglect, or conditional love in childhood.

Child Learns: “If I am not perfect or pleasing, I will be rejected”. 

Rooted in loss, separation, inconsistent caregiving, or emotional unavailability.

Child Learns: “People I love will leave when I need them most”. 

Often tied to highly critical or perfectionistic environments where love was performance-based.

Child Learns: “Mistakes make me unworthy of love or safety”. 

Rooted in chaotic/unpredictable environments where control created a sense of safety.

Child Learns: “If I am not in control, I will be harmed”. 

Linked to harsh punishment, shaming, or chronic criticism from caregivers.

Child Learns: “If I show who I am, I will be judged and hurt”. 

Stems from betrayal, invalidation, or having emotions dismissed or mocked.

Child Learns: “If I open up, I will be hurt or rejected”. 

Often from unrealistic expectations, comparison, or conditional praise.

Child Learns: “I must hide my flaws to be accepted”.

Rooted in witnessing or experiencing volatile arguments, aggression, or domestic violence.

Child Learns: “Conflict means danger and must be avoided”.

Linked to emotional neglect, being overlooked, or lacking a voice.

Child Learns: “My needs don’t matter and no one will protect me”. 

Stems from punitive or perfectionistic caregivers who punished errors.

Child Learns: “Mistakes make me unlovable or unsafe”. 

Rooted in inconsistent caregiving, enmeshment, or betrayal of trust.

Child Learns: “If I get close, I will be hurt or lose myself”. 

Often from controlling, rigid, or invasive family systems.

Child Learns: “Relationships mean losing autonomy”.

Tied to conditional love or constant comparison to others.

Child Learns: “Love must be earned by proving my worth”.

Often rooted in early exploitation, boundary violations, or parentification.

Child Learns: “People will use me if I’m not on guard”.

Linked to conditional approval or praise when meeting others’ expectations.

Child Learns: “My worth depends on keeping others happy”. 

Rooted in unstable or unpredictable environments (chaotic, traumatizing).

Child Learns: “Change means danger, stability keeps me safe”. 

Often from environments where success brought jealousy, resentment, or more responsibility.

Child Learns: “If I succeed, I’ll be targeted, envied, or overwhelmed”.

Rooted in overcontrol, enmeshment, or lack of autonomy in childhood.

Child Learns: “Depending on others is unsafe”.

Linked to emotional invalidation, being shamed for feelings, or not being heard. 

Child Learns: “No one will truly see or understand me”.

Deep core fear often rooted in chronic neglect, rejection, or abuse.

Child Learns: “If they knew the real me, they wouldn’t love me”.